Leading a Successful Inner Team - Part 1: Transform your Inner Saboteur
Have you ever avoided a conversation with a team member or your manager because you were afraid of the consequences? Are you aware of the reasons why some people undermine themselves or the whole team and what to do about it?
When accompanying individuals or teams, we come across an interesting phenomenon. Even though, on a cognitive level, people understand and agree on the need for new ways of doing things, resistance or even sabotaging behaviour appear while implementing initiatives. You might see this “Inner Saboteur” raise its head in individuals first, but it will inevitably affect the whole team.
I remember witnessing, many years ago at an important presentation to the Board, as my usually very confident and eloquent boss completely faltered. One board member challenged him on a detail - and he just looked blank. Couldn’t say a thing. He had been hijacked by some inner voice that sabotaged his leadership capacity. The consequence of this incident was that an extra layer of management control was added that made project implementation very cumbersome and caused a lot of friction and inefficiency.
What is the Inner Saboteur?
As humans, we live in constant tension between stability and change. On a biological level, this is called homeostasis, our mechanism to ensure that too much change at once doesn’t interrupt internal functioning.
Psychologically, this corresponds to an internal “warning system” which sends us unconscious disruptive signals that something is too risky, a waste of time, could affect our dignity or sense of belonging, or otherwise upset our “safe” status quo. This “internal body guard” communicates with us through inner voices, repetitive thoughts, uneasy feelings, sudden impulses to do or avoid doing something.
When in action, it has an extraordinary grip on us. It often undermines us, keeps us from moving forward and getting what we want in life. Typical messages we might hear: “You are not good enough at …”, “you don’t deserve this…”, “just wait, it looks too good to be true…”. The good news is that it is only one subpersonality of many, albeit a very powerful one.
Strategies to Transform your Inner Saboteur
Unless we become aware of “who’s really making the decisions” we run on auto-pilot, usually listening to the more prominent, strongest and oldest inner voices, and repeating our emotional and mental patterns over and over. Our brains are wired to listen more carefully to negative messages – this is why it is essential to recognise, accept and actively manage our Inner Saboteurs.
Identify how it shows up
Think of a concrete challenge or obstacle you are facing that you are conflicted about. Write it down, draw it or visualise. Take a moment and observe what messages you are getting from your mind (in the form of thoughts) and body (sensations, physical reactions). Can you identify a pattern? Or even visualise it and give it a name?
Some typical ways our Inner Saboteur may show up are, for example, being driven by “shoulds or musts” – this will be evident in the language we use. Another sign could be sudden lack of motivation, performance anxiety or inexplicable fatigue, just as you need to finish that project or prepare for this interview.
Watch out for procrastination, it usually points to self-sabotaging behaviour. This includes things that are “good for us”, such as learning a new language, starting a mindfulness course or having an honest conversation with your team. Don’t be surprised that you will find excellent reasons for not doing something, e.g. being too busy or not wanting to upset someone.
Acknowledge the Inner Saboteur
Since your Inner Saboteur (or Inner Critic) is a much-practised longstanding defence mechanism, ignoring it will likely backfire. The best strategy to make the Inner Critic your ally is to accept it and engage with it compassionately. It wants your best, but is either misinformed or using outdated methods to keep you “safe”. You may even find a kind or funny name for it that allows you to befriend it - I personally call mine the “over-protective body-guard”.
Listen carefully for underlying needs
If you were to assume your Inner Critic wants your best but does not know how to relay the message in a constructive way… what could be the hidden, deeper message? What does this part of you need? Look for the kernel of truth or positive intent behind the sabotaging message. For example, your Saboteur might say “who do you think you are, trying to apply for this position? The other candidates are much stronger. You are not good enough.” This might be a protective mechanism: “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Be compassionate with yourself
The Inner Saboteur is a wounded part of yourself. Most people find that sabotaging behaviour stems from fears and childhood experiences. What are you afraid of? What assumptions are you making? What’s the worst thing that could happen? Bring a sense of exploration and kindness rather than judgement and blame. It may be beneficial to get coaching or even counselling support to transform negative belief systems.
Accept that life includes positive and negative emotions. Accept that there will be times things are unclear, volatile, ambiguous – complexity is not going away – this is a big message in corporate life. Letting go of the need to be clear and feel good all the time is part of emotional maturity. Work with body and breath techniques to build your resilience. When you find yourself getting stuck at work, allow for mindful breaks.
Manage your Inner Saboteur
Whenever you hear yourself expressing a limiting belief, such as “I can't do this.”, you might conclude “Ok. I don't know how to do this. There are parts of me that are afraid and uneasy with this. What do I need? How can I get help? What is realistic for me to achieve?” Actively enter into a dialogue with your inner doubts or fears and send strong signals that you are listening.
Focus on what’s truly important for you. Work with a coach or trusted person to get clear on your professional and personal values and purpose. Let this be your North Star or guiding principles for any challenges or decisions you are facing. Your Inner Saboteur is less likely to undermine you if you are committed to your values and purpose. Ask yourself “Which behaviour or decision will bring me closer to where I want to be?”
Commit yourself. Declare that you are making peace with your Inner Saboteur/Bodyguard. Declare a new future, to yourself, to your team, wherever needed and appropriate. The more specific this declaration, the better, e.g. I am committed to speaking up when my colleague treats me with no respect. Use words that ring true for you and that are action-oriented. Set realistic parameters.
Devise an adaptive strategy: What will you do when you notice your Inner Saboteur shows up? You could use some mindfulness tools, conscious breathing, change your body posture. Remember your body and mind are interrelated and mirror each other – practising different body dispositions and breathing patterns will interrupt your automatic inner critic. Practise, practise, practise.
In our modern work environment we are confronted with change at a dazzling speed and for prolonged periods of time, often resulting in innovation fatigue, failed change management efforts, lack of engagement, high turnover or even burnout. These are all fertile breeding ground for our Inner Saboteur.
Becoming adaptive and agile does not imply that we need to take on every new management practice out there and change for change’s sake. We need to balance stability with change. If we have sound values-based foundation, we can embrace change easily, using strong discernment to identify what is truly important, aligned with our purpose and worth pursuing. You will find that your Inner Saboteur will start contributing in a constructive way to the rest of your “Inner Team”. We will be writing more about running a successful Inner Team another time.
